Wonder Whacker:
Corporate Edition!

Would you like a bigger bonus this year? Like to save your company millions, and get millions as a reward? Then you need the Wonder Whacker: Corporate Edition. Your key to successful headcount reduction.

Get more the work out of your employees, with half the salary costs! The Corporate Edition includes the Wonder Whacker Salary Slasher and Wonder Whacker Headcount Hacker, both invaluable tools in today's cutting edge business climate. The Salary Slasher lets you keep your valued employees while paying them half as much, using the principle of "accept this or be fired." Cowed into submission with our demotivational tools, licensed through Despair.com, we get the most for the least!

In some cases, a 50% salary reduction might result in a few arrogant employees leaving when there is still work to be done, so the Headcount Hacker may be the tool for you. The Hacker reduces headcount by 50% each year, using a performance management system that rates employees based on objective criteria that you select (the most popular choices are personality, looks, and respect for management). Those in the bottom 50% are simply eliminated. The remaining employees are the most valuable ones who were probably doing all the work anyway, so there is no loss in net performance of your team. (Kind of amazing, isn't it? But the leading corporations of America are licensing this technology and experiencing the incredible results.) And by doing this year after year, constantly raising the bar and constantly weeding out the bottom 50% of your employee base, you motivate the survivors to constantly produce more, more, MORE!, allowing them to drop dead from exhaustion just in time for retirement, saving you big time on pension costs! Isn't it time you experience the gains that the Wonder Whacker: Corporate Edition provides?

Don't make the mistake of some timid companies who try this on their own and only weed out a tiny percentage each year. That's far too slow, and leaves people wondering for years if they might be next. Remove those unsettling doubts and let at least 50% of them know this year, even this week, that they are next. Employees need that kind of certainty to flourish.

To succeed, you need to embrace change - big change, huge change, the kind of change you can only get through the Wonder Whacker: Corporate Edition.

Who Should Use Wonder Whacker: Corporate Edition?

The Wonder Whacker is best suited for:

• Companies who want to cut costs radically without any loss of productivity.
• Companies who want to get more out of their employees by giving them much less.
• Companies that spend truckloads of money on consultants.
• Companies desperate to impress Wall Street with a big layoff to get their stock price up for at least a few days.
• Companies focused on the bottom line for the short term.

You know it's for you! Come on, give it - and your company - a whack!