Introducing: The Wonder Whacker!

Space-age technology combined with Old World craftsmanship brings you the most amazing dietary and food processing aid ever devised. The incredible Wonder Whacker employs profound scientific principles, entirely consistent with the most advanced understanding of the First and Second Laws of Thermodynamics, to deliver a low-cost, energy-efficient device that can CUT CALORIES IN HALF for most solid foods. Not only are calories cut in half, but you get twice as many servings! For example, consider one serving of cake with 800 artery-clogging calories. Simply apply one Wonder Whacker treatment and - WHAMO! - your serving of cake now has only 400 calories. Plus, there's more! In fact, there's now TWO SERVINGS instead of one. Two people can each enjoy your delicious cake, and each gets only half the original calories.

No chemical modification of the food is involved. No chemicals, period! No radiation. No greenhouse gases. No batteries, no fumes, no deafening motors! No dangerous supplements to swallow. No destruction of indigenous cultures. No kidding! The Wonder Whacker uses Earth-friendly, energy-efficient, GREEN TECHNOLOGY. And you can rest assured knowing that no animals other than a few humans were harmed during its development.

Is This Possible? How Does It Work?

Yes, it's possible, and its effectiveness has been verified by leading scientists from independent laboratories at the Scientific and Technical University for Politically Intelligent Development. The scientific workings behind the Wonder Whacker are based on the principles of GAVROES: Gravimetric and Volumetric Reallocation of Existential Substance. In layman's terms, that means that we modify portions of the space-time continuum comprising your foodstuff target to redistribute pre-existing formations of subatomic particles such that a single portion becomes separated into two macro entities though a dividing action imposed by a metallic dividing member. We can't say much more until our patent issues, but suffice it to say that the Wonder Whacker is all about cutting edge technology - and it's surprisingly affordable.

Who Should Buy a Wonder Whacker?

The Wonder Whacker is best suited for:

• People looking for an easy way to lose weight
• People who want to cut down on unwholesome food additives, toxins, pesticides, and carcinogens from their diet (decreases of 50% or more can be achieved easily with the Wonder Whacker!)
• People trying to stretch their food budget and save big bucks
• Anyone who wants to reduce the risk of choking by eating smaller chunks of food
• Shoppers who can't resist Internet ads.

You know it's for you! Come on, give it a whack!

Breaking news from our Pulmonary Health Team: Wonder Whacker has also been proven helpful for smokers! Reduce your risk of lung cancer by applying Wonder Whacker treatments to your cigarettes, pipes, or cigars, reducing the carcinogenic and toxic load of each smoking item by 50% or more!!

Which Wonder Whacker Product Is Right for Me?

The Wonder Whacker device above is our HOME EDITION. Designed for small solid objects such as candy bars, fruit, cake, and tobacco products, it is the ideal kitchen accessory and is perfect as a dietary aid, carcinogen reducer, or budget stretcher. But Wonder Whacker technology can solve major problems in many other areas using any of these fine produce alternatives:

• Wonder Whacker for Beverages - just add one quart of our non-toxic, all natural Wonder Whacker Miracle Fluid to one quart of ANY juice or beverage, and you'll instantly have TWO QUARTS of your drink, but now it's "LITE"! Each glass will have half the calories!! Twice the drink, half the calories - what's not to like? Our Wonder Whacker Miracle Fluid is every bit as safe as drinking water - add as much as you wish to any beverage! This technology has been commercially used by leading juice manufacturers in producing their "Lite" versions of orange juice, for example. Half the calories in each carton you sell - but you can still charge the same high price as the pure juice itself. Consumers win by losing calories and you win even more!

• Wonder Whacker Corporate Edition - ideal for headcount reduction and getting more out of your ever decreasing number of employees.
• Wonder Whacker Global Edition - a foreign policy tool that lets you whack a single nation and quickly create two or more nations, two or more warring armies, and two or more opportunities for no-bid contracts and massive corruption, when there used to just be one of each. Wonder Whacker Global Edition has been successfully demonstrated in the Middle East (Project Whack Iraq, for example) and is being geared up for even more success internationally.